the first person who can tell me 900 words about the role of education in nation-building wins.
this is the task that i am faced with at this moment. i am 335 words in, mid-sentence, and totally tapped. it's moments like this that make me wonder, "is doctoral school hard?"
the answer to that, i've decided, is no. doctoral school is still not hard, in the sense that i get all my work done, produce the deliverables that are asked of me, and still have time to be bored and wish i had a television or some friends who would hang out with me. it's challenging, when i start to think about my own research and all the world changing i want to do. but that part is fun. this part, where i have to take classes about stuff i'm not interested in, is just frustrating.
it's like when you go to college and you have to sit in freshman chemistry. and you think - this is ridiculous. why am i here? when am i ever going to use this? but you suck it up and do it because you know that in the early stages of your academic life, you have to take a lot of classes that won't apply later just to help you gain a world-view. it's like that...except now i'm 24, and i've been in school for 19 years. further more, i'm in doctoral school, which should mean that i'm focusing on something in which i want to gain expertise. i feel like i spend about five hours a week doing that and the rest of the time drawing every animal i can possibly think of in my notebook, until i run out of animals. and then all of a sudden i have to write 900 words on the exact stuff i couldn't physically bring myself to pay attention to, then do that four more times. then do finals. repeat times however many classes i'm taking, minus one (environmental ed).
this is frustrating also because everyone else seems totally into it. and then i look like a huge negative nancy for not being on board. which i don't think really makes people want to hang out with me. but i can't help it!! there are 30 people in my environmental education class, yet i am the only person from the school of education. how is that a thing? there's not a single other person in my school of 300 people who's interested in the environment? and yet i am required by the school of education to take three quarters of educational theory where informal education is mentioned in *maybe* three classes in the entire year, and the environment is mentioned exactly zero times?
lucky for me, my advisor continues to be great and i'm holding on for dear life to this beacon of hope that next quarter will be a game-changer. and i can spend lots of time now day-dreaming about summer in portland, although there's this little part of me that will stay worried until i sign a piece of paper (as opposed to verbally saying, "i accept!" which i have done).
in other news, i've decided to train for a half marathon. this is not a joke.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
fit as a fiddle fauna
in my effort to be a fit grad student and not a fat grad student, i'm trying to work out regularly again, like i did first quarter. from me to you, it's REALLY HARD to get back into a routine of regular exercise. last night, my friend christine from yale came to visit (visitors have been plentiful so far and it's been awesome), and left early in the morning, giving me absolutely no reason to not go running.
let me tell you, the stanford dish will be the end of me. the hills are out of control and somehow it seems like everyone i know here runs the dish with no problems, but i have difficulty not just walking all of it.
anyway the point of this entry is that i made a new running playlist and it's AWESOME. let me tell you about it:
1. hello by martin solveig and the dragonettes (nothing makes you want to go running like listening to dance music)
2. quicksand by la roux (now that you're pumped up with dance music, throw in a little lady rock)
3. the story of us by taylor swift (a little taylor goes a long way)
4. raise your glass by pink (continuing the pump up streak - because the first 15 minutes is always when i want to stop.)
5. wavin' flag by k'naan (SO MOTIVATIONAL. highly recommend for running up hills).
6. night by night by chromeo (not convinced this is the best placement for this song. might push it later in the mix.)
7. city with no children by the arcade fire (good in-the-groove running)
8. kids by mgmt (to fight any feeling of dragging)
9. sleepyhead by passion pit (finish strong)
that's as long as i can run right now without wanting to give up so that's how long my playlist is. i'm always looking for new running songs though, so if you have any, let me know...
let me tell you, the stanford dish will be the end of me. the hills are out of control and somehow it seems like everyone i know here runs the dish with no problems, but i have difficulty not just walking all of it.
anyway the point of this entry is that i made a new running playlist and it's AWESOME. let me tell you about it:
1. hello by martin solveig and the dragonettes (nothing makes you want to go running like listening to dance music)
2. quicksand by la roux (now that you're pumped up with dance music, throw in a little lady rock)
3. the story of us by taylor swift (a little taylor goes a long way)
4. raise your glass by pink (continuing the pump up streak - because the first 15 minutes is always when i want to stop.)
5. wavin' flag by k'naan (SO MOTIVATIONAL. highly recommend for running up hills).
6. night by night by chromeo (not convinced this is the best placement for this song. might push it later in the mix.)
7. city with no children by the arcade fire (good in-the-groove running)
8. kids by mgmt (to fight any feeling of dragging)
9. sleepyhead by passion pit (finish strong)
that's as long as i can run right now without wanting to give up so that's how long my playlist is. i'm always looking for new running songs though, so if you have any, let me know...
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
being a grad student means....
....reading the statistics on Punxsutawney Phil's shadow-seeing and wondering
"Is that statistically significant?"
"How does that correlate to actual weather patterns?"
"Has anyone studied this?"
and if not...
"Who would fund me if I wanted to study this?"
This is why I can't have nice things.
"Is that statistically significant?"
"How does that correlate to actual weather patterns?"
"Has anyone studied this?"
and if not...
"Who would fund me if I wanted to study this?"
This is why I can't have nice things.
Monday, January 31, 2011
in case you've been under a rock
shameless self-promotion:
haylie and i launched a blog about things not as serious as grad school, but probably just as important:
http://my-cherry-amour.blogspot.com
check us out (and follow us)!!!
haylie and i launched a blog about things not as serious as grad school, but probably just as important:
http://my-cherry-amour.blogspot.com
check us out (and follow us)!!!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
let's confer
i am currently sitting in my office where my office-mate erin bought me a fountain soda. i can't do anymore homework without my other computer, and i want to finish my pop before i go home, so naturally the only thing to do is write a blog post.
let's talk about...conferences!
i really love conferences. i was very lucky at yale because they sent me to conferences in d.c., portland, england, and copenhagen. in england, i presented my first poster. it went pretty well. in houston, last summer, i presented my second poster. i've gotten pretty good at making awkwardly huge posters.
so a little while ago my advisor told me i should apply to present at the visitor studies association conference this summer in chicago. she told me this about 24 hours before the proposal deadline so i quickly threw together a proposal and sent it in right under the wire. to my magical surprise, they accepted it! this is very exciting. the most exciting part was that the proposal was for an oral presentation, not a poster. i got accepted to do an oral presentation last year at the international zoo educator's conference but i was between schools and couldn't get funding to go. it was really sad. but i can go to this one!
sometimes people say they don't like conferences and i don't really see how this would ever be true for me (as long as i'm going to interesting conferences). i really like them now because i'm just starting out and it's been great meeting more senior people in the field and making a little name for myself (emphasis on the little). but i very much look forward to the days when i can go to a conference like AZA and see lots of old friends and attend in a very low pressure kind of way. plus, you get to see new places (kind of) and hear all the exciting things going on in your field.
but damn, conferences are EXPENSIVE. i got away alright with AZA because my advisor paid for my plane ticket and i stayed for free at cody's place. i still had to pay $100 for my registration (on top of what stanford was paying for). for VSA, i started making my budget and it looks like i'll need more like $1000 to make it work, because i don't know anyone in chicago to stay with. then NAAEE (north american association for environmental educators) and AZA are both happening in the fall, in north carolina and atlanta. and assuming i'm attending both of those, that's even more money i have to scare up. and don't worry, paying for any of this out of my own pocket is truly a last resort.
so anyway, the moral of the story is that i get really excited when i get to attend and present at conferences but the reality of money (as usual) sets in pretty quickly. rest assured, however, that if you're in portland this summer, you will be coerced into listening to my presentation at least once so i am sure to sound like an absolute genius once i finally get up on stage.
okay, coke is done. time to go home!
let's talk about...conferences!
i really love conferences. i was very lucky at yale because they sent me to conferences in d.c., portland, england, and copenhagen. in england, i presented my first poster. it went pretty well. in houston, last summer, i presented my second poster. i've gotten pretty good at making awkwardly huge posters.
so a little while ago my advisor told me i should apply to present at the visitor studies association conference this summer in chicago. she told me this about 24 hours before the proposal deadline so i quickly threw together a proposal and sent it in right under the wire. to my magical surprise, they accepted it! this is very exciting. the most exciting part was that the proposal was for an oral presentation, not a poster. i got accepted to do an oral presentation last year at the international zoo educator's conference but i was between schools and couldn't get funding to go. it was really sad. but i can go to this one!
sometimes people say they don't like conferences and i don't really see how this would ever be true for me (as long as i'm going to interesting conferences). i really like them now because i'm just starting out and it's been great meeting more senior people in the field and making a little name for myself (emphasis on the little). but i very much look forward to the days when i can go to a conference like AZA and see lots of old friends and attend in a very low pressure kind of way. plus, you get to see new places (kind of) and hear all the exciting things going on in your field.
but damn, conferences are EXPENSIVE. i got away alright with AZA because my advisor paid for my plane ticket and i stayed for free at cody's place. i still had to pay $100 for my registration (on top of what stanford was paying for). for VSA, i started making my budget and it looks like i'll need more like $1000 to make it work, because i don't know anyone in chicago to stay with. then NAAEE (north american association for environmental educators) and AZA are both happening in the fall, in north carolina and atlanta. and assuming i'm attending both of those, that's even more money i have to scare up. and don't worry, paying for any of this out of my own pocket is truly a last resort.
so anyway, the moral of the story is that i get really excited when i get to attend and present at conferences but the reality of money (as usual) sets in pretty quickly. rest assured, however, that if you're in portland this summer, you will be coerced into listening to my presentation at least once so i am sure to sound like an absolute genius once i finally get up on stage.
okay, coke is done. time to go home!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
”My heart is a traitor,” the boy said to the alchemist when they had paused to rest the horses. “It doesn’t want me to go on.”
“That makes sense,” the alchemist answered. “Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won.”
“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?”
“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”
“You mean I should listen, even if it’s treasonous?”
“Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you’ll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them. You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow”
The Alchemist
“That makes sense,” the alchemist answered. “Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won.”
“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?”
“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”
“You mean I should listen, even if it’s treasonous?”
“Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you’ll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them. You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow”
The Alchemist
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
week three
i had all these things i was going to blog about last week, but last week turned out to be a huge bummer, so i didn't blog about them. now, i'm going to try to remember the good stuff that happened before the bummer stuff and formulate an entry.
first off, last week was our second week of classes. so far, this seven classes thing is going pretty well. i have been managing to get all my reading and writing done and still have time for fun (which i'll get to later). i know it will get harder once GLEE starts up, but i don't think it'll be significantly worse.
in the past few weeks, i've been reflecting on how utterly thrilled i will be once classes are over. i am really excited to get started on my research and have been spending lots of time day dreaming about potential dissertation research sites. right now the only one i've talked to my advisor about is the cal academy, but i've been fantasizing about lots of others, including (but not limited to): disney's animal kingdom, the monterey bay aquarium, and any zoo at all.
i've also spent a lot of time thinking about how i can't wait for this summer (and how impatient i am, in general, as a person). i really want to know what i'll be doing this summer (hopefully at OZ) so i can mentally prepare myself/have something to look forward to.
we had an environmental conference at stanford last week, and it was (for the parts i attended) a pretty good time. i'm feeling a lot better about things now that i get to spend more time in the env.sci. department. i feel a little less like a token student and more like i actually fit. last week, the associate director of the IPER (interdisciplinary program in environment and resources) called me an "honorary member" of the first year cohort.
the best thing that happened at school last week was that my digital storytelling professor gave us all cameras to use for the quarter. i took a canon g12, and i'm obsessed with it. i've been looking to buy a new camera/get into photography more, and this is cool because i get to test-drive this camera for 10 weeks. it came at the perfect time too, because mel came from australia this weekend to visit. we went to the monterey bay aquarium and napa and these are some of the pictures i took:
anyway, it's been a lot of fun. i've taken more than 300 pictures so far. some of them even have people in them.
i think that's all i have to say for now. in summary, classes are fine, i'm impatient about my summer/first year project and i like taking pictures of things.
first off, last week was our second week of classes. so far, this seven classes thing is going pretty well. i have been managing to get all my reading and writing done and still have time for fun (which i'll get to later). i know it will get harder once GLEE starts up, but i don't think it'll be significantly worse.
in the past few weeks, i've been reflecting on how utterly thrilled i will be once classes are over. i am really excited to get started on my research and have been spending lots of time day dreaming about potential dissertation research sites. right now the only one i've talked to my advisor about is the cal academy, but i've been fantasizing about lots of others, including (but not limited to): disney's animal kingdom, the monterey bay aquarium, and any zoo at all.
i've also spent a lot of time thinking about how i can't wait for this summer (and how impatient i am, in general, as a person). i really want to know what i'll be doing this summer (hopefully at OZ) so i can mentally prepare myself/have something to look forward to.
we had an environmental conference at stanford last week, and it was (for the parts i attended) a pretty good time. i'm feeling a lot better about things now that i get to spend more time in the env.sci. department. i feel a little less like a token student and more like i actually fit. last week, the associate director of the IPER (interdisciplinary program in environment and resources) called me an "honorary member" of the first year cohort.
the best thing that happened at school last week was that my digital storytelling professor gave us all cameras to use for the quarter. i took a canon g12, and i'm obsessed with it. i've been looking to buy a new camera/get into photography more, and this is cool because i get to test-drive this camera for 10 weeks. it came at the perfect time too, because mel came from australia this weekend to visit. we went to the monterey bay aquarium and napa and these are some of the pictures i took:
 |
| sand dollars, that are alive |
 |
| jellyfish, all tangled in a knot |
 |
| a chicken at a winery |
 |
| a theater at a winery |
 |
| a hawk with a dead baby opossum |
 |
| oranges, blooming in the winter |
 |
| a flower. duh. |
i think that's all i have to say for now. in summary, classes are fine, i'm impatient about my summer/first year project and i like taking pictures of things.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
new directions
i really want to start a style/design blog. like, really. my angle will be design, style, and trends on a grad student sized budget. ways to incorporate everyday cuteness into your life without spending tons of time or breaking the bank. plus chatter about some music. i might be able to incorporate it into here, but i'd have to do a major overhaul so that the blog doesn't seem so all over the place. alternatively, i kind of like the idea of having this be my blog-for-friends-to-read, and then have a blog-for-anyone/strangers that's separate. because sometimes i want to whine about having a cold or how much homework i have, but not to a wide reader base.
thoughts?
thoughts?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
resolute by nature
I wasn't going to write any New Year's Resolutions, but I decided that I would. I don't remember what my resolutions were last year, but I probably accomplished them. The only resolution I ever remember making was to brush my teeth twice a day for two minutes each time, no matter what. And I kept that. Okay. Resolutions:
1. Stop biting my nails. Seriously. I was pretty good at this for about three weeks last year, and then I left my potentially-poisonous anti-nail biting polish at school and it all went down the drain.
2. Cook more complicated things. I don't like to cook, but I really like to eat. And I get a lot of joy out of cooking something especially delicious. Yesterday I made a sweet butternut squash and caramelized onion pasta dish, which was great.
3. Journal more often. In my paper journal, I mean. The one you guys can't see. Where I write all my secrets and things about you.
4. Get significantly better at music. I was originally going to just say guitar, but I also want to improve my voice. And write more songs. And polish those songs enough to record some sort of little disc by the time the year is up.
I feel like I should make some sort of career-related resolution, but I don't really think I want to because I don't have a lot of control over the things that would be happening in my career right now. I'm in school, that's all I have control over. I also was thinking today that I should make a resolution about my relationship-life, but that's also something I have no control over. I thought maybe I should resolve to say yes to someone who asks me out (I mostly ignore people who I think might like me and say no when they ask me out) but I decided that that would probably just make me unhappy because I say no to those people for a reason. Because they're gross.
But I want a fifth resolution because five is a nice, round number and four is not.
5. Master a new crafting technique. Mostly I'm thinking a new jewelry technique, but I'll settle for learning paper crafts or photography or becoming a proficient embosser.
There. Five resolutions. Documented, which makes them real. It's funny because at the start of every year, I can't help but think...what if, later in life, I look back on this year as a really big deal in my life? Like, in 2011 I....something. Right?
Guess we'll find out...
1. Stop biting my nails. Seriously. I was pretty good at this for about three weeks last year, and then I left my potentially-poisonous anti-nail biting polish at school and it all went down the drain.
2. Cook more complicated things. I don't like to cook, but I really like to eat. And I get a lot of joy out of cooking something especially delicious. Yesterday I made a sweet butternut squash and caramelized onion pasta dish, which was great.
3. Journal more often. In my paper journal, I mean. The one you guys can't see. Where I write all my secrets and things about you.
4. Get significantly better at music. I was originally going to just say guitar, but I also want to improve my voice. And write more songs. And polish those songs enough to record some sort of little disc by the time the year is up.
I feel like I should make some sort of career-related resolution, but I don't really think I want to because I don't have a lot of control over the things that would be happening in my career right now. I'm in school, that's all I have control over. I also was thinking today that I should make a resolution about my relationship-life, but that's also something I have no control over. I thought maybe I should resolve to say yes to someone who asks me out (I mostly ignore people who I think might like me and say no when they ask me out) but I decided that that would probably just make me unhappy because I say no to those people for a reason. Because they're gross.
But I want a fifth resolution because five is a nice, round number and four is not.
5. Master a new crafting technique. Mostly I'm thinking a new jewelry technique, but I'll settle for learning paper crafts or photography or becoming a proficient embosser.
There. Five resolutions. Documented, which makes them real. It's funny because at the start of every year, I can't help but think...what if, later in life, I look back on this year as a really big deal in my life? Like, in 2011 I....something. Right?
Guess we'll find out...
Monday, January 3, 2011
winter quarter conquistador
Here we are: winter quarter 2011. 10 weeks, 7 classes. I am hopeful that this will keep me more occupied and less bored than last quarter, with less time to watch three seasons of Angel. I'm not actually excited about this...I more feel the way I do before a big crew race. Get in, get out quick, get it done. That's pretty much the way I feel about this whole Ph.D. experience, actually...
I wanted to write a whole farewell to 2010 thing, because overall, 2010 was a pretty good year...especially compared to 2009, which was chock full of pain, heartache, and life-changing crummy feelings. In 2010 I...
...got into Stanford, on February 12th
...saw the first hope of putting my pieces back together, after a year of quality moping
...had an amazing last semester at Yale, graduating on May 24th
...had one of the best summers of my young life
...started the final stage of my academic career
This all feels very notable and positive. Like Miss Haylie, I am a little saddened to know that 2011 (probably) won't bring very many big happy events like this. I'll spend the year at school; no graduations in the near future. I don't know where I'll be spending my summer, but it probably won't be at ZooCamp (though I'm crossing my fingers and everything else cross-able that I'll still be at the Zoo). But I guess as long as nothing bad happens, stasis is not such a bad thing.
Well, my first class is in an hour and I haven't done any of the readings because the libraries don't have the book I need, and neither does Google Books, and I won't spend $150 on a book I'll never use again. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but that's mostly due to apathy which probably means that I'm not that bothered by it. Pretty good start to the quarter, if you ask me...
I wanted to write a whole farewell to 2010 thing, because overall, 2010 was a pretty good year...especially compared to 2009, which was chock full of pain, heartache, and life-changing crummy feelings. In 2010 I...
...got into Stanford, on February 12th
...saw the first hope of putting my pieces back together, after a year of quality moping
...had an amazing last semester at Yale, graduating on May 24th
...had one of the best summers of my young life
...started the final stage of my academic career
This all feels very notable and positive. Like Miss Haylie, I am a little saddened to know that 2011 (probably) won't bring very many big happy events like this. I'll spend the year at school; no graduations in the near future. I don't know where I'll be spending my summer, but it probably won't be at ZooCamp (though I'm crossing my fingers and everything else cross-able that I'll still be at the Zoo). But I guess as long as nothing bad happens, stasis is not such a bad thing.
Well, my first class is in an hour and I haven't done any of the readings because the libraries don't have the book I need, and neither does Google Books, and I won't spend $150 on a book I'll never use again. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but that's mostly due to apathy which probably means that I'm not that bothered by it. Pretty good start to the quarter, if you ask me...
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