incognito finito

quarter one is over. i came home friday and since then i have:
- seen anna sing opera
- had dessert at papa haydns w/zoe and kristen
- watched buffy w/zoe and kristen
- watched love actually w/claire
- spent a lot of time with my mom
- made a holiday skirt w/my mom (pictures to come)
- spent a lot of time with my cat
- done minimal holiday shopping

i'm really glad the quarter is over. all my papers ended up being okay...i'm not expecting super high marks on them, but as long as i get b's, i'm okay. let's review this quarter:

academically this quarter was a bust. three out of my four classes were really boring. they weren't demanding enough to require me to do a lot of work, so i probably didn't understand the material as well as i could have. i also didn't take enough classes so i had a lot of downtime which i used to watch angel. i really liked my research assistantship with the girl scouts, though. i'm looking forward to that and my new classes in the coming quarter.

socially this quarter ended up better than i thought. i started out not really feeling the general social vibe at stanford, but now at the end i'm realizing that i met a lot of cool people who i look forward to getting to know more in our infinite tenure at stanford. my roommates are really sweet too, and though we have fewer dance parties at stanford, i still like almost everyone i've met. next quarter, a few of us are going to work on starting a band/some sort of musical outlet at the school of ed, so i'm excited about that.


professionally this quarter was great, because of aza. the aza conference was a very big success, and i'm looking forward to more conferences like it in the future. i'm sad that i didn't end up going to the international zoo educator's conference, especially since it was in disneyworld, and especially since i had a presentation to give, but my life (insofar as settling into a new school) and pocketbook are happier for it. there's always 2012...at the chester zoo in the uk.

that about wraps it up, i think. i'm really happy to be home. tonight, jessica, bethany, zoe, and i are going to a lecture at ecotrust on bees. i start working at the zoo again on friday and we're getting our christmas tree this weekend. all good things on the horizon.

FINALLY

Good news! I FINALLY picked my classes for next quarter. In my effort to diversify my courses, I had six different schedules I was choosing from. So, without further adieu, here is what I'm going to take that will make my academic life* dramatically better (and busier) than it was this quarter:

Statistical Analysis in Education: Regression
Primarily for doctoral students; part of doctoral research core; prerequisite for advanced statistical methods courses in School of Education. Basic regression, a widely used data-analytic procedure, including multiple and curvilinear regression, regression diagnostics, analysis of residuals and model selection, logistic regression. Proficiency with statistical computer packages. 

I really like stats. And luckily, it's required.

Learning Sciences and Technology Design Research Colloquium

Students and faculty present and critique new and original research relevant to the Learning Sciences and Technology Design doctoral program. Goal is to develop a community of scholars who become familiar with each other's work. Practice of the arts of presentation and scholarly dialogue while introducing seminal issues and fundamental works in the field.

Quarter 2/9

Proseminar 2

Required of and limited to first-year Education doctoral students. Core questions in education: what is taught, to whom, and why; how do people learn; how do teachers teach and how do they learn to teach; how are schools organized; how are educational systems organized; and what are the roles of education in society?

Death by required courses. But I heard the professor is into informal ed, so maybe there's hope?

Science and Environmental Education in Informal Contexts

There are ever-expanding opportunities to learn science in contexts outside the formal classroom, in settings such as zoos, museums, and science centers. How are issues around science and the environment presented in these contexts, how do people behave and learn in these contexts, and what messages do they take away? This course will cover the learning theories and empirical research that has been conducted in these settings. Case studies of nearby science centers will add an experiential dimension. 

There aren't enough exclamation points in the world to describe how excited I am about this class. (!!!!!!!)

Reporting From The Field: Digital Story Telling For Researchers

New technology presents new opportunities for researcher-driven outreach, explanation and presentation of results. This course provides a starting point in multimedia storytelling for graduate students actively involved in field research. Students gain project-based experience in blogging/social media, still photography, audio podcasting, online slideshows and web video production and editing, enabling them to record and report their own research stories from the field.

My first course in the Environmental Science department! So fun!! So related to this blog.

Directed Reading With My Advisor
In this course, we will do many interesting things like read papers about zoos and evaluation and evaluation in zoos. We will also work on a literature review and Kathayoon will finally finish her manuscript from her Masters thesis. 

And that's it! So many classes. Also I'm supposed to sit in on this class for no credit:
 
Environmental Research Design Seminar
Required core course for first year E-IPER Ph.D. students; optional for Joint M.S. students; other graduate students with instructor's permission. Series of faculty presentations and student-led discussions on interdisciplinary research design as exemplars of the research design theories discussed in ENVRES 320. Designing Environmental Research. 

The idea here is to get me to meet the first year IPER (Interdisciplinary Program in Environment and Resources) Ph.D. students so that when I take their core course with them spring quarter, I don't feel so left out of their circle. Also it will be useful to my research.

Yay! My next job in raising my quality of academic life* is to work out what my Ph.D. minor in Environmental Science is going to look like. It will either be in Climate Science...or Global and Community Ecological Something. I can't remember the name.

Two more days left in the quarter!




*Let's face it. That's the only life I really have.

Decisions, Decisions!

I'm notoriously terrible at making decisions. Shopping with me is a nightmare because I have to look at everything, try everything on, put things on hold, try them on again...before I can even decide on a single piece of clothing to purchase.*

Right now I am faced with two decisions, one far more important than the other.

First of all, today two people in the Science Ed lab, my friend Anna and my future friend Evan, offered me a desk in their office. It's on the third floor, it has windows, and apparently they've been trying to fill it with "cool people with similar interests." It sounds pretty awesome. I like my office because it's right next to the cafe and I don't share it with anyone. But sharing might be fun, and also I would like to be above ground. But I don't know, will I be able to get as much done there? Is it worth switching?

And then there's the more important decision: Christmas present!! Okay so background: I complain a lot about traveling with my guitar. It SUCKS. My guitar case weighs about 20 pounds without the guitar and the weight is distributed terribly, but that's just the way guitar cases go. I'm also always nervous about it getting lost. I was complaining about this to my dad last weekend and he offered to buy me a new guitar for Christmas. That way, I would have one guitar at home and one at school. This initially seemed excessive, especially since they would probably be of roughly the same quality. But it was really really really thoughtful of him to suggest (my dad doesn't really do gifts, so this was totally nice and unexpected) and I started thinking I would feel extremely guilty if I denied his gift idea. But the more I thought about it (and the more I looked at guitars online), the more I thought about how it might be soooo nice to never travel with my guitar again, and be able to get something a little bit different with a different sound, different maker. 


BUT my plan all along has been to ask for a digital SLR camera (or half of one). I've kind of wanted this since graduation. My dad does not want to get this for me though, on account of it being so expensive. I thought I could wear him down by asking for half the money it would take to buy one, but then he took me off guard with this guitar thing. I would buy one on my own, but I'm (hopefully!!!) about to drop a lot of money on a plane ticket to South Africa to visit Julie with Owen.**

Wait so I wrote all of that and it helped me decide what I'm going to do. I'm going to go for the guitar. It was really nice of my dad to suggest such a thoughtful gift, and I think in the long run it would be a good investment in my musical future. Digital SLRs will always be around.

Thanks for the help, blog!!









*But please consider going shopping with me because I also can never decide whether or not something looks good on me/is worth the price/should be purchased without a few honest outside opinions.

**I purposefully did not cross this out because I wanted to find a way to mention that Owen might be coming with me to visit Julie. We have to solidify dates and stuff, but even the possibility of being with TWO of my housemates in AFRICA is more exciting than my little heart can handle. I might explode.

The True Spirit of Thanksgiving

When I woke up this morning, I turned on my computer and was saddened to find a flurry of facebook posts, chastising meat-eaters for their Thanksgiving meal choices. As a proud poultry-tarian, I was a bit offended by it all, but it wasn't for the normal reasons. I realized that reading those posts made me feel like people were losing sight of the "real" meaning of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving isn't about what you're eating. I don't care what you're eating. Some people will eat turkey, some people will eat tofu, some people will eat pasta. And that's all great. Thanksgiving is about having one day a year specifically devoted to thinking about all the wonderful gifts we are given in our lives and how lucky we are to have whatever it is that we have. Thanksgiving is about giving thanks. Whatever you choose to put in your body to that effect is your choice, and yours alone.

We take so much for granted every day. Can't we for one day let go of our different opinions and preferences to all reflect on this fact?

I am thankful for so much. I am thankful for a family who welcomes me back with open arms and sends me away again with love and support. I am thankful for friends who do the same, who come to visit me from all over the globe, who call and write and continually show me how much they value our friendship, and genuinely want the best for me always. I'm thankful for my co-workers at the zoo, and to be part of such an inspiring community. I'm thankful for the education that I've received, for the opportunities that I've been given to travel, study, and pursue my dreams. I'm thankful for financial comfort and good health. I'm thankful to have such an amazing home, so full of loved ones, to come back to every holiday. To name a few.

In the end, today so far I've seen more posts about good-will than judgment. I've received more text messages with kind words than promotion of an alternate agenda. So I suppose I'm thankful for that, as well.

What are YOU thankful for?

A Brief Blog About Power

For a second (and really only a second, because this is distracting me from my reading), let's return to the real purpose of this blog: talking about zoos (fauna -> research -> zoos).

If I had my little way, I would structure this blog in such a way as to systematically debunk or address the critiques of zoos that I come across. However, this is not the way life works and sometimes I want to write about other things. Despite what it may seem, I'm only so focused.

Well, I'm reading an article right now (Saying it with genes, species, and habitats: biodiversity conservation and zoo education by Malcolm Whitehead, 1994) and he has recently made the assertion that zoos must be careful not to convey a sense of human power over other living creatures.*

After hearing this argument so many times, it only now struck me how ridiculous this really is. Because who among us believes that humans do not exert power over the natural world?

I mean, come on. That's why we are in this whole conundrum right now, isn't it? Because humans are extremely powerful. We have the power to dramatically change the climate. We have the power to drive other species to extinction without even knowing we're doing it. We have the power to convert landscapes, blow up mountains, and change the face of the entire earth at will. The concept of "sustainability" is inherently flawed because our very presence on this planet is ultimately unsustainable. We're a nuclear reaction waiting to happen.

The argument that "zoos reflect the hegemony or power relationships of people over other sentient beings" is entirely simplistic, and in all honesty, giving us in the zoo world too much credit. Everything. EVERYTHING on this planet that has been touched by humans represents their power over other sentient beings. Everything. The ability to "arrange" animals in a zoo (remember, we're talking about modern zoos) for the purpose of education, conservation, and - dare I say it? - entertainment to these ends is probably the least of our problems.

Fortunately for us, however, this enormous power is the same thing that can someday possibly pull us out of the environmental crisis we have brought upon the earth. This power can be transformed into technology that gives us cleaner energy and an ability to use the Earth's resources more efficiently, meaning we get more for less. This power can, and has, helped us bring species back from the edge of extinction and help them adapt to changed habitats. Denying that we have power, or undervaluing this power, is the first step towards certain failure. Instead, we have to embrace the authority that we have created and understand it's magnitude.

Now, I understand that critics will read this and think (or say) that zoos represent an inappropriate display of power. My answer to that is two-fold: First, no they don't (and if I had less homework and an infinite amount of space, I would write all that out, but that will have to wait for further entries), and second of all, that's not the argument. The argument is that this power relationship, when seen in the form of zoos, is somehow as unnatural. The power of human beings over other life on Earth is a reality, and really not something we can eliminate.

In closing, I have to use one of my favorite quotes because this entry is begging for it:

"With great power, comes great responsibility."

On top of the mountains, in the fields and over all the landscapes where we have demonstrated our great power, we must recognize that power and assume the responsibilities that it carries. In this zoo, this means that if we are to use our power to exhibit and house animals, we have a responsibility to make sure that they are living as full a life as possible, and that they are the most effective ambassadors for their species that they can possibly be. I am greatly encouraged by my observations that, by and large, this is most certainly the highest priority for zoos in the United States, both in their broader missions and in their day to day goals.






*Don't get me wrong. I really like this paper. You should probably read it, because it's pretty good.

all of a sudden, i feel better.

"...we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how."

The Alchemist

7 down, 3 to go

Today marks the end of the seventh week of school!
This morning, I decided to go for a run around The Dish. The Dish is a big biological preserve owned by Stanford. It also overlooks the whole campus, which makes it a really pretty place to run. I found it a few weeks ago, but I'd already been running for a long time so I didn't want to run anymore at that point. But today I went out with the express purpose of running around The Dish.

Ughhhh.

So I got to the preserve and decided to go right because left looked like it had a really big hill. Omg. Huge mistake. I realize that I said this place overlooks the whole campus, indicating that there is some increase in elevation. But the path I chose basically went up for 3 winding, long, gradual, never-ending miles, and REALLY FAST DOWNHILL for like, half a mile. Needless to say, I was doing that thing where I was running so slow I was basically walking, and so I walked/ran most of the uphill. There was this guy in a purple shirt in front of me and I tried to run when he ran and walk when he walked. The downhill was awesome because I ran really fast and the momentum carried me all the way home, basically. But it was almost an hour of running/walking and I started getting REALLY bored and frustrated that I couldn't run the whole way.

Also, I am totally maxed out on my current running playlist. I need new music. Anna suggests listening to Radiolab. I am willing to give this a try.

In class today, we were supposed to bring in transcripts of interviews that we conducted for our final project, along with rubrics for grading these assignments. I have never made a rubric before and had no idea what I was doing with this one. I was pretty sure it was a total wash. But my TA put it up for workshopping and the professor really liked it. It's nice to know that maybe I'm not doing as terribly as I think I'm doing.

WAIT. Also also, yesterday I went to the open house at the design school. It was AMAZING. I was totally blown away by the creativity and excitement and innovation going on there. I'm definitely taking a class there in the spring, and I'm going to try really hard to take one this winter. Right now I'm working with five different schedules that involve some combination of education, environment, business, and design school classes. I am optimistic that these classes will be much better than the ones I'm taking now. Expect more entries about this when I need help deciding what to take...

room 15 for life

i finally have doctoral-y things to talk about! thank god.

so this week has been irritatingly sucky so far. classes have been obnoxious. physical therapy is expensive and painful. and i'm just a little bit paranoid about the zoo in a lot of different ways that aren't important to talk about right now. i had high hopes for today, though, and they came through.

first of all, my adviser is a very busy person. she has lots of meetings all the time and so i have to schedule my meetings with her far in advance. at yale, my adviser was a woman named susan, who i've written about before. she was probably in her 60's, transgender, and very open to talking about anything (about you or herself). she was also very complimentary and she had a slate blue corduroy armchair in her office that you got to sit and rock back and forth in while you talked to her. 99% of my meetings with susan were 100% awesome. rae and i used to do our meetings together, and that was even better because susan would basically spend the whole time talking about how rae and i were going to rule the wildlife world together. which we are. just in case you were curious.

my adviser now is about half susan's age, in her third year at stanford, and a joint appointment with the school of ed and the environmental science program. she went to the forestry school at yale also, and we technically overlapped for a year. she is probably the nicest person of all time, and my absolute ideal adviser. i'm sad we only meet once and awhile because so far, we always have tons to talk about and talking to her is super interesting. today's meeting, for example, was really great. here's how it went:

- i ranted about my classes for about 15 minutes. and apologized about ranting but she took notes furiously and we talked about how maybe i can take my methodology courses at the environmental science school, where they might be more applicable.
- she told me about her class for next quarter which sounds awesome. and suggested that i start taking some design school classes, which i would very much like to do.
- i told her about my meeting with the director of the steinhart aquarium/chief of public engagement at the cal academy.
- she told me i can take a directed reading course in the spring to do a project with them (!!!)
- i asked her about my first year project.
- she told me maybe i can do that cal academy thing, if i think i can turn that into a dissertation?
- i tell her i would like to do my dissertation work in zoos, because i want to stay connected.
- she is very amenable to this idea and we talk about expanding my masters research (which as far as i can tell, would allow me to come home this summer).

she also tells me that i would be a good candidate for this joint program with the school of environment where i could take out a concentration or second masters with them. i'm leaning towards concentration, since i already have the one masters, but still, awesome. then our meeting is over and i'm feeling very good about life.

so good about life, that i decide i really need to find myself an office. so for the fourth time, i try to find the lady who gives out doctoral offices, but this time, i am successful! she shows me four different offices. all are in the basement. all are windowless and fluorescently lit. all are furnished with the same stuff i see in the basement of portland state that's free to take if you can haul it away. i chose the best one though, luckily. it's right across from the cubberley cafe, and the girl who i share it with is very close to done (so they won't give her space to someone else yet) and has all her stuff boxed up (so she probably won't be around much). this is great news. when i paid my key deposit, the lady said "great! i will give this back to you when you return your key. when you graduate." as far as i can tell, this may be when i die. at an old age. or in four years. anyway, if i'm going to be living there for four years (repeat: four. not five. or six. or god, seven.) it has to look happy and fun. which is why i have spent at least an hour today on the paper source website looking at calendars, desk organizers, etc.

to celebrate, i ate my lunch in my office. it was exciting. tomorrow i'm going to move books and things there. i will take a picture of it once it's mostly set up, and once my name is on the doorplate (!!).

also today we had another girl scout lesson which was really, really fun. we toured the enviro sci building (which i am going to spend a lot of time in, i've decided) and did another energy lesson. the kids were super cute, and it was all in all a good time.

now that i have an office i've decided that i am not going to do any more work at home. which means that when i come home, if i can help it, i get to relax. to that effect, i have a lasagna in the oven and glee cued up. one tiny, baby step closer to real life...

The Other Side of Thursday

I've been dreading today for a long time. It was prone to be a very anxiety-producing day, due to the number of things I had to do and the urgency of all of them. Luckily, it turned out to be just fine. But I like breaking up days like this into the goods and the bads, even though most of these things end up being irrelevant.

Good:
- I made it to my meeting at the Cal Academy of Sciences without getting lost, or paying for parking.
- My meeting was very exciting, and gave me hope for the fun, interesting things I might be able to do with this institution, like helping to come up with an evaluation of their Lizards and Snakes exhibit. Herpetology? Yes please! Now I just have to talk to my adviser.
- While I was at the CAS, I saw this girl that I used to take piano lessons with when I was 5-12. It was insane. We both did a double-take, then I confirmed that it was her later on facebook. She works there now, apparently. So weird!
- My meeting ended early and I had plenty of time to get to my class observation at the Palo Alto Junior Zoo.
- I successfully collected data for my evaluation class! I also got an audio recording of the entire class, which I now have to transcribe. I've been working for two hours and I'm nine of 54 minutes in. Ughhhh.
- When I came back to my apartment, I found an unopened, brand new tube of lip gloss in a really pretty color sitting on the sidewalk. I thought about it, inspected it, decided it was untouched (and unscratched - the case is still shiny) so I decided to take it. I'm waiting 24 hours in case anyone sends along a building-wide chat asking for it back, and then it's mine. I would like to emphasize how not opened it was.
- I went running. The run actually sucked in that my calves were really tight the whole time and the trail I wanted to run on was closed. But it counts as good because a) I did it, and b) my back didn't hurt really bad afterward like the last two times I've gone running.
- Krist agreed to extend my zoo email for a whole year. Yayyyyyy! No need for separation anxiety, no, not here.
- Halloween festivities start tomorrow, and it looks like there might actually be some.

Bad:
- I am soooo unstoked about my classes and getting less and less excited about them by the day. I just want this quarter and these required classes to be OVER.
- As a result of being extremely unexcited about my classes, I have not been getting extremely high marks in them. This is annoying because it implies that I need to do more work. But I don't want to do more work in classes that I don't like. All I need is a B and I can move on with my life. For all I know, that's what I could be getting. But we don't get a lot of grade-related feedback. I hate grades. I don't want them anymore.
- I need two stamps. Also, I am continually amazed that they make you pay the postage on your mail-in ballot. Helloooo it's the government. It's supposed to be free to mail stuff.

Okay, that's it. I'm going to transcribe, sleep, and kill this week off. Six down, four to go....

Google Fail

I have to tell this story because it's hilarious.

So today I had to go shopping for my research assistantship to pick up some materials for our lessons (now I know how Kristen feels). My first stop was meant to be Michael's, the craft store. I found one in Mountain View and put the directions on a little green Post-It (I'm trying to only use my phone in emergencies, as GPS kills the battery). I followed the directions, diligently, all the way to the Google campus, which is in Mountain View. But, instead of a Michael's, I found a dead end. So I turned on my phone's GPS and used Google Maps Navigator to figure out how I had missed Michael's. I was pretty sure that the combined power of using Google Maps Navigator at Google would somehow be amazing.

It was not.

I followed Google Maps Navigator until it told me "turn right, and your destination will be on the right." Even though I knew there was no Michael's there, I even turned into the parking lot and drove around it once, just to make sure. In my infinite frustration, I turned back onto the road and into the next parking lot I found, which was the HOME of Google Maps. I could tell because of the big, red, "you are here" place marker in the front. I called Michael's and they informed me that the street they live on is bisected by the highway, and they are actually the other way down the street, not on Google's campus, as Google believes. Once I figured that out, it was smooth sailing but these are some parts of the conversations I had with my Google Maps Navigator in the meantime:

GMN: Turn right and your destination will be on the right.
Kathayoon: Okay...but I'm not sure...that doesn't look like a craft store. That looks like the home of The Internet.
GMN: You have reached your destination.
Kathayoon: What? Wait. No I haven't. This isn't my destination. This isn't Michael's. This is...this is YOU, Google. This is GOOGLE. GOOGLE is on my right. NOT Michael's!

I really wanted to park my car and march into the building and say something along the lines of "Are you kidding me? Your GPS isn't accurate for MOUNTAIN VIEW?! It's not accurate for YOUR OWN CAMPUS?! Eff you, Google. You're a joke."

I didn't end up doing this. I just updated my status on my Google Android phone, to let the world know how ridiculous Google is. HA.

Also I might have had a splitting headache this entire time, making this situation a lot more ridiculous (and a lot more hilarious, in later retellings) than it would have otherwise been. But still. Seriously.

a quantitative look at my life

Number of days I've been sick: 3.5
Cups of tea that I've drank in that time: 9
Zicam Zinc Supplement disgusting "strawberry" chalk chews that I've eaten in that time: 12
CVS brand Nyquil I've taken: 2
CVS brand Nyquil I've taken that actually did anything: 0
Episodes of Weeds that I've watched: 5
Episodes of Angel: 3
Episodes of either of those shows that have had to do with pregnancy: 3
Hours of sleep I got Thursday night: 0
Hours of sleep I got Friday night: 12


Other things of interest:

PHD Comics have become a whole lot funnier since I figured out that they were written by a Stanford grad student and therefore a lot of them take place at Stanford.

Eric is sending me a new Taylor Swift song every day for 12 days. It's like the 12 days of Christmas, but it's the 12 Days of Taylor.

I am extremely worried that Halloween is going to be a bust this year. I have already accepted that it won't be anything like the last two years, but I am a little worried that there won't be anything to do at all (that doesn't involve undergrads).

Jackie is here and last night we went to an a capella concert and then got frozen yogurt. Today we're going to lunch and then grocery shopping. I'm excited.

Okay byyye.

i see you colorful

This is what I did for procrastination today:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=130567101


The only sad part was that my favorite Jonsi song, "Animal Arithmatic" was not as great as I'd hoped it would be. In my infinite desire to not do work, I googled Jonsi and looked to see if he was playing a show in the Bay Area anytime soon. Turns out, he was actually playing one soon. Or I should say, is. Right now. In Oakland. Talk about poor timing.

Anyway. Zoe came to Stanford last weekend and it was my favorite weekend in Palo Alto yet. We ate out, toured campus with her parents, went to the Farmer's Market, and went to the first SUSE cohort dance party of the year at my friend Erin's house. Everything was a lot of fun. Also we got facebook married, on account of Amanda breaking up with me. We would have invited you to the wedding, but we didn't.

Now it's life back to normal over here. I made a smoked mozzarella veggie lasagna yesterday, which was delicious. I wish my hair was a little bit longer or a little bit shorter, anything but the in-between it's in right now. I also wish I could go into Dosha and lighten my highlights a little bit more, but I have to wait until Christmas for any hair related changes.

There is really nothing notable to write about right now, I think. I'll probably just grab a bowl of ice cream, finish this book review, and watch Entourage. Oh the illustrious life of a doctoral student...

Thank God For This Website

Allow me to express to you my life in a few someecards...









And I got bored of looking through someecards. The end!

Food, Fauna, and FRowing.

When I was thinking about my new life at Stanford, I decided that I was going to take a quarter off from rowing, just to get myself acclimated to life before I threw the most intense sport ever back into the mix.

Well, fortunately that lasted about three weeks. Last week I saw The Social Network and there are a lot of rowing scenes in that movie. In fact, that's pretty much all I got out of that movie. I miss rowing.

So I signed up for the Palo Alto Rowing Club's Masters program. Masters is a funny word because you can actually have never rowed ever at all in your life and still be a Master, just as long as you're not college-aged. All of you guys would be, in fact, Master rowers. Congratulations!

I coxed Masters women in Portland for the three months that I lived there in between D.C. and Outdoor School in 2007. It was the worst and I swore I'd never do Masters again. Crew is not as much fun when everyone is not your age, in fact a lot older, and there's no real team spirit. But, there is no graduate crew team at Stanford that I have found, and PARC is free. So far. For me. Because I don't row. So I signed up.

Basically, this morning's row was so fun. The women had only rowed four times before so it wasn't super ideal, but they weren't that bad. And the great thing about coxing novice rowers is that everything you do is impressive. Not that I'm not a competent coxswain, but the bar is way lower.

The whole time we were rowing I kept thinking about how much crew has factored into my life the past 6-7 years. I thought about CCRC and how fun and hard that was. I thought about my favorite regattas, like Bair Island, which I may cox again this year. I thought about winning races and losing races, really good rows and really bad ones. I thought about rowing in Australia and what a weird but fantastic experience that was. I thought about rowing at Yale and how much I loved that, the beautiful Housatonic River, the breathtaking boathouse, the wonderful people, and the huge cup with my and Matty's name on it when we won MVPs first year.

I'm sad I won't be doing crew with a college team, but it's not out of the picture. Given some time with PARC to learn the lay of the crew land, I might have it in me to start a graduate crew team at Stanford sometime in my infinite tenure here. Now let's look at some of my favorite crew-related pictures of all time!

Rowing in Newport Beach, CA with CCRC

Kelsey and I, after we won our first races and got ceremoniously thrown into the river. 

Melbourne Rowing Day 2006, the most insane crew day of my life

A classically REALLY INTENSE moment during a regatta, in which we were pulling ahead.

And one of my favorite moments, that I got to share with one of my favorite fellow coxswains. Our names are on that cup forever, my friend!

Culinary Prowess

So after a rather lame start to the week (rejected manuscript, credit card fraud, etc) I decided yesterday that I would make myself a really nice dinner that I had been dreaming about for awhile. It turned out to probably be the best thing I've ever cooked. Allow me to share:

Chicken breast with tumeric, lime, caramelized onions, and garlic.
Basmati rice
Steamed green beans and broccoli
Baked potato

All of the vegetables came from the Farmer's Market and the chicken and rice were from Trader Joe's. It was soooo good. I ate it again for lunch today because, as you might notice, it's a lot of food. I wish I had more.

Right now I'm annoyed because tonight I have a meeting at the Palo Alto Junior Zoo and my first crew practice with the Palo Alto Rowing Club. I am not annoyed about these things, but I am annoyed because my car is very low on gas. I mean, the red light isn't on yet, but soon it will be. This would not be a problem except I don't have a debit card anymore on account of it being frauded and all. So I have to pay for everything with cash for the next week or so. But that means going to an ATM. And then finding a gas station outside of Palo Alto because PA charges something like a fifteen cent premium on gas. I think I have no choice but to go to the student union, take out cash, go to my zoo meeting, and hope I have time between zoo and crew to stop at a gas station somewhere in Redwood City.

UGH. So inconvenient. Wells Fargo is cool and all for giving me a temporary ATM card, but I'm super annoyed that I have no other way to pay for things for 7-10 (I guess now 5-8) business days. Which equates to something like three months. (Just kidding, but I feel like measuring things in business days is always very deceptive).

Many Things of Consequence

Events!

This was a very successful weekend. Friday night, Chris came to Palo Alto and we managed to unite all three of us FES'ers at Stanford (Fran, me, and Kyle Wayne) for a fab dinner in the town. It was just wonderful to hang out with a whole group of familiar faces and talk about Yale and life after Yale and all that fun stuff. Afterwards, Fran and I went to a really lame party with too many people, too much pushing, and not enough dancing. I did, however, manage to hang out with two people in my cohort. Go go gadget friend-making!

Saturday we had our cohort picnic, which was quite fun. Etc etc.
On Sunday, I went to the other Palo Alto's Farmer's Market and it was SO MUCH BETTER. Not only did I find all the fruits and veggies I wanted, they also have eggs, cheese, chicken sausages, pasta, and sorbet. And Indian food. It was a total success. I got firecracker jack cheese, an onion, some apples, a peach, some green beans, and some blood orange juice. I feel like there was something else too, but I can't remember. It's more expensive than the Saturday Farmer's Market, but far superior. If I was really ambitious, I would get fruits and veggies from Saturday's market and everything else from Sunday's. We'll see. I am relieved, though. There is hope yet.

Also on Sunday, Ellen, my friend from college, took me to an amazing brunch and showed me around the area, since she grew up here. We got Sprinkles cupcakes and saw her old high school/summer camp, amongst other fun things.

I went running on Saturday and it was annoying. I like running because it makes me feel very fit and healthy. But I don't like it because I don't get out of breath, but my legs hurt a lot for pretty much the whole time. And that's probably not good. So today after yoga I decided I would go erging. This was a good decision. I felt way more tired after a half hour and way more hurting in more of a sore way. Also, I saw Tracy's sister at the gym! So, success all around. I think I'm going to run to the gym, erg, and run home whenever I don't have yoga. That sounds like a good plan.

Also today I got my second piece of mail - a package from Zoe with beads in it! It was quite excellent and happy-making.

There's lots of other things I could talk about but I need to go to bed because I have class in nine hours and that's how much sleep I need. Don't judge me.

When All Else Fails...

...at least there are classes.
So classes started this week and that's been a huge relief. It's been a welcome break from watching episodes of Angel, even though I do love Angel.

Learning Sciences and Technology Design Seminar - 1 hour, three credits. That's all I'm going to say.

Proseminar - The first of two classes I have with all of the other first year doctoral students. Apparently, with 40 students, we're the largest cohort ever. Go us! I definitely feel out of the loop for missing orientation, so I have some bonding catching up to do.

Inquiry and Measurement in Education Research - The second of two classes with all of the other first year doctoral students. For today, we had to submit a brief statement of our research. In class, the professor read the opening line of mine out loud and said that it was an "excellent lead-in, great motivation." I was pleased, especially since mine was the only one she chose. Too bad I peaked in that class and it's only the first week.

Assessment and Evaluation in Math and Science Education - I haven't had this class yet. We'll see. It's Friday afternoons. How gross.

Other than that, I met with my adviser for the first time since getting here and she continues to be amazing. We just talked about zoos and research and possibilities for research for an hour. I'm feeling like I've got some pretty good options for my first year project. And by pretty good I mean things that I can do while working at a zoo, hopefully in Portland.

I also met with my project team for my research assistantship, and that went well. I think it's going to give me great insight into behavior change research really early on. If I have a methodology, I can start researching for my dissertation as soon as possible. Which means I would graduate on time. Which I really, really want to do.

Lastly, I am going to talk about my dinner today. I made a delicious bento stir-fry with green beans, mushrooms, bell peppers, onions, and broccoli from the farmer's market, plus pasta and Trader Joe's amazing Island Soyaki sauce. I also attempted to make fried potatoes with chili peppers. That was a huge fail. I am never cooking with oil again. It splatters everywhere, and it hisses in a really scary away. And then, half of my potatoes were burnt little black crispers. It reminded me of when Britta and I tried to make enough home-made churros for 60 people. Almost as hilarious and ridiculous as trying to explain the concept of a churro to a German exchange student. No more homefrying for me. Baked potatoes only, from now on. In related news, only two days until I can go buy some chicken. I have been dying for some chicken all week.

This weekend should be good. Hypothetically, my friend Chris from Yale should be coming to Palo Alto for the day tomorrow. Saturday we have a doc student bonding picnic, and Sunday, dear Ellen from Claremont is taking me to brunch at James Franco's favorite brunch place in Menlo Park. Throw in a little reading and some writing, and a couple phone calls with people I miss, and call it a weekend.

HAHAHAHA.

I want to post this everywhere you can post things.

me:  i'm lonely and friendless here. haha.

Eric:  aww well i'm jobless and homeless!

me:  with our powers combined, we form a not pathetic person 

Eric:  so with our powers combined, we make one big LOSER

 

This is more impressive/hilarious when you realize that we sent these messages at the exact same time. I'm still laughing.

Last First Day....

...at a new school.

First things first, I dutifully went to the doctor like a logical person. We talked about my wrist and she recommended me for physical therapy, so that's going to happen, I think. We talked about my panic attack/hypoglycemia/gluten allergy and she suggested I try switching the order in which I take my medications. So that's going to happen, I think.

I checked my mail for the first time and was rewarded with a postcard from Otter Camp Jessica and a copy of the New Yorker left from the last tenant. Win, win. Getting the postcard reminded me that one of the good things about living far away from people you care about is the mail. So please send me mail. You know, if you want to.

Fast forward a few hours to my first Ph.D. class ever. As is to be expected, I got lost and was a little late to class. But I was as lost and as late as several other people, so it turned out to be okay. This class was a seminar for all the people in my sub-discipline, Learning Sciences and Technology Design. We have to take it for nine quarters (I learned today), so there are a mix of first, second, and third years in the class. I half really enjoyed it and half wanted to throw up when I started thinking about the future and how long this might take. The professor reminded me of Dr. Skelly - nice, and funny, but no-nonsense. I like that, perhaps that's because that's what my academic personality is like also. Academic Me is nice about things, but don't bullshit me. Seriously. I know what I'm doing. Like today, when the professor asked if any of the first years wanted to introduce themselves. I volunteered to go first and started by saying, "When I was 16, I decided that I wanted to be a zoo director." Some people laughed. So then I said, "Oh, you can laugh, but it's a very real goal." And then went on to describe my research interests, blahblahblah. It seemed to be a good first impression because no one on the elevator after class wanted to talk to me. Deep sigh. And I even left out the Y-bomb.

But that was it, my first class. It was only an hour. I have no idea what the class will entail because there is no syllabus and no homework. Tomorrow is my all-first-year-doc-students seminar, which I'm pretty excited for. And my first yoga class. So that's good.

But I effing miss F&ES. So much that I've started looking at plane tickets. I can't stop thinking about all my friends there and how within a few days I felt like I had tons of amazing people in my life. Owen and I talked on the phone last night for a long time and it was insane to hear his voice. So happy and exciting but also so sad and missing. I keep looking at my phone and wanting to call people but I keep stopping myself because I don't want to be the first one to be missing.

Enough, though. Day one, year one, down. Keep calm, and carry on.

Food and Fauna

Okay. So we talked about career stuff and in effort to not talk about my life (or lack of life) at Stanford with any substance, let's talk about food.

So the intelligent thing to do would have been to go to the Farmer's Market on Saturday and then go to Trader Joes afterward to fill in any gaps. Well, that's not what I did. I couldn't wait to get food, so I went to Trader Joes Friday night. My intention, at first, was to try to only eat what I could find at a Farmer's Market for one quarter. Then my intention was to at least get all my produce and animal products from the Farmer's Market. In other places where I have lived, this would have been possible. Sadly, so far it does not seem to be the case in Palo Alto.

At Trader Joes I got things like corn tortillas, salsa, guacamole, etc. In an ideal world, I would make all of these things from scratch. But in an ideal world, I would also not have to read for four classes every week. Not that I have to do that yet. But soon.

On Saturday, I tried to venture to one of the Farmer's Markets I'd heard about but in true Kathayoon form I forgot to check the day. Apparently, they're only open Sundays. UGH. So I refused to give up and drove myself to a different Farmer's Market in Palo Alto. All in all, the Farmer's Market was a pretty positive experience. Let's make a list:

Positives:
- Delicious produce! I bought lettuce, an onion, potatoes, strawberries, peaches, apples, green beans, an avocado, and a bell pepper all for about $15.
- Everything is in season all the time in California. Awesome.
- Nice people.
- Delicious sheep's milk cheese which I plan to get next time.
- Really cute children everywhere.

Negatives:
- The only meat-selling people were selling pork. So I'm still chickenless. Which is making me cranky.
- Everything came in plastic fruit bags. Seems...counter productive...

When I came home I made a black bean burger and a strawberry/lettuce salad with blush wine vinaigrette. It was delicious. Next week I plan to scope out the Sunday Farmer's Market and see if I have more luck getting chicken and eggs there. Isn't that interesting? I thought so. 

Full sentences aren't really my thing,

Palo Alto -> Houston -> Palo Alto
First of all, drove to the wrong airport. I've never lived in a city with more than one airport before.
But got to the right airport with time to spare. Arrived in Houston, survived blasting heat and humidity, ended the day at Cody's apartment.
Tuesday: Day One. Took the bus to the convention center. Hung up my poster, met the education coordinator of the Palm Beach Zoo. Entered opening ceremonies, located a familiar Oregon Zoo face, listened to Jim Collins speak.
Sessions for that day included something about how to make zoos go from good to great. Highlights of this session included seeing Tony (former OZ director) and Tiffany (former ZooCamp counselor, now director of education at the Santa Barbara Zoo). Also having Tony tell Jim Collins, "That's my intern. She goes to Stanford." I like to think with a certain amount of pride.

Other sessions: using social media. Not many highlights. And Translating Science Speak. Met the woman at Disney who tried to hire me for the research associate position. Conversation was brief:

Her: Are you done yet?
Me: Not quite.
Her: Well hurry up and finish. I still need to fill that position.
Me: I'm working on it as quickly as I can!
Her: Do you speak French?
Me: Yes.
Her: Good. We'll be in touch.

Ate lunch with a big group of Oregon Zoo people. Anne and Charis convinced me to come to the Education Track Reception to network. Attended. Met a grad student from OSU who studies basically the same thing as me. Met two women from the Ellen Trout Zoo who wanted to know absolutely everything about ZooCamp. Met the director of ed from the Knoxville Zoo who, after hearing my story, called me the Taylor Swift of the zoo world. Also notable quotes from that interaction included, "She nice, super smart, and she's not white. We'll all be working for her someday." and "What zoo do you want to direct? Because you can choose any of them" (from the Denver Zoo ed guy). Like Anne, these people also offered to introduce me to anyone I wanted to meet. Go go gadget confidence boost!

Returned to apartment whereafter Cody and I went to a tiny bar and listened to some amazing blues performed by a man with no teeth and white dreadlocks who looked to be about a thousand years old.

The next day, opening session included a talk from Joel Sartore. Empty words, beautiful pictures. First session was about engaging youth to drive environmental awareness. Tons of amazing research methodology. Met the director of ed at Woodland Park and re-met the director of The Ocean Project who invited me to sit at their lunch table so we could nerd out over evaluation techniques. On our way to lunch, we ran into the director of the Steinhart Aquarium/Chief of Public Engagement for the Cal Academy of Sciences who saw my name badge and (I'm not even kidding) goes "Ah! I've been meaning to find you. I would like to invite you out to the Cal Academy to talk about evaluation research." And he ate lunch with us too. And I freaked out. Inwardly. Honors lunch was inspiring. OZ won the best exhibit award. I cheered loudly. And they honored a woman named Karen Sussman who is now one of my new heroes. Luckily, I got the chance to stop her in the hall and tell her that and she looked genuinely appreciative. She told me to just do it, go forth, and conquer. I told her I was working on it.

After lunch, session two on children and nature. Then session three on zoo opposition. Met the development director for OZ who somehow I've never met, but who was very nice. Very emotional session, for me. Touching stories about how zoos overcame attacks from IDA, PETA, etc. Very educational. Harked on something Jim Collins said...how zoos and aquariums are one of the only sectors where when one institution succeeds, we all succeed. And when one fails, we all ask what we can do to help. Cooperation, not competition.

And then the long-awaited poster session! I scurried to my poster and entertained discussion and questions pretty constantly for the full hour and a half. Met a girl from the Houston Zoo who had come to shadow my Otter Camp years ago and somehow still recognized me. Met a woman who's Masters thesis was extremely instrumental in forming my research. Got much support from other OZ staff which was heart-warming. Got invitations from two zoos to come do dissertation research with them. Re-met my evaluation idols, and received invitations from them to attend the round table session for the Conservation Education Committee the next day. (!!)

Tired but buzzing, returned to apartment. Cody and I got dinner then went to a Turkish coffee shop where there were belly dancers. Ahaha. Priceless.

Next day, last day. Arrived early and helped my evaluation idols set up for the CEC round table. Ended up in a group with the deputy director of the Toledo Zoo and three managers from the Columbus Zoo, the San Antonio Zoo, and the Seneca Park Zoo. The D.D. for the Toledo Zoo introduced me as "the girl we're all going to want to hire someday." Would like to think that I contributed a few things to the conversation. Earned my invitation. Had a lovely chat with the Seneca Park manager afterward.

When that was done, something strange happened. I sat down to plan out my day. Wanted to make it to the zoo, but also catch my flight. Exchanged phone numbers with Tanya and Krista, planning to meet them at the zoo. Started feeling nauseous, went to bathroom, started dry heaving. Came outside and started sweating, feeling faint, feeling more nauseous. Anne attempted to introduce me to a women from Brazil who seemed very cool but I had to sit down. Waited for about fifteen (but felt like an hour) minutes to pass before trying to find OZ people to tell them I didn't feel well. Found Anne and Tanya, told them that I suspected that I was having a mini panic attack. Anne took me back to her room so I could lie down. I feel guilty for imparting my troubles upon them but they were very kind and offered nice advice and assured me that they were there to support me, etc.

Feeling better, headed to zoo day. Met Jill Mellen, one of my zoo heroes. Conversation:
Anne: This is Kathayoon, she's one of our zoo prodigies. (Insert me wanting to die) She grew up with us. She also applied for your research associate job.
Jill: Ah yes, I know who you are.
Me: I would really like to work with you sometime, perhaps doing my dissertation.
Jill: Well, as long as you keep doing what you're doing, there will be a job for you when you're ready.

Internal me freaks out. But, not much time to do a lot more since I only had 20 minutes at the zoo. But I'm really freaking proud of myself because these are all the animals I saw in 20 minutes:
Sea lions
Flamingos
Zebras
Storks
Cranes
Eland gazelles
Lions
Tigers
Little birds
Elephants
Cheetahs
Ocelot
Fossa
Jaguar
Clouded leopard
Meerkats

That's a lot. That's almost one animal a minute. I am sad that I didn't see the reptile house or the naked mole rats but I would definitely have missed my bus if I had. The nice people at the Houston Zoo let me store my bags in a private room which made my running around possible. They also called the Metro for me to see where I should pick it up and they Zoomered me to their equivalent of Gate A so I would be closer to the Metro station and wouldn't have to walk in the heat with my bags. They win.

And that was basically that. I came back to Palo Alto with a big stack of business cards and an ongoing love for this crazy zoo world. Last night, an hour after I got back, I went out with my roommate and actually maybe made some friends. At least one. Maybe two or three. Today I drove to San Francisco to spend the day with Christine, who was in town for a wedding. Tomorrow is Farmer's Market day, so definitely expect my first food-related entry.

I realize there might have been a lot of horn-tooting on my part in this entry but I'm just so darn excited that I'm actually managing to make headway in this profession while working on my degrees. I feel employable and like my expertise is coveted. Furthermore, I feel like people within my institution and in institutions around the country respect me and believe in my abilities and want to help me succeed. It's a pretty great feeling. I know I'm scared for this whole Stanford experience, but I think now I have something calming to focus on: the fact that I'm slowly becoming a real player in my industry, not just a girl with dreams who worships people who do cool things (although I am that as well). I wish I could go to the International Zoo Educator's conference, but I think Anne is going to present my research for me because another trip in two weeks is just too much stress.

Could go on and on, but won't. Instead, will just be content to look forward to AZA 2011...Atlanta!

The Adventures of Invisigirl

Arrived at one Stanford University, Saturday, September 11th.
Met roommates. Three girls: one econ, one law, one education (!) teacher's program.
Decorated room and unpacked in an effort not to live in a lifeless concrete box.
Obligatory Target trip.
Ate delicious foods #1 and #2 with parents.
Attended first Stanford party at the apartment of Asa, brother of Rae, accompanied by Fran from FES.
Met many people but remember few. Got frustrated with throwback to college attitude and seeming invisibility.
Slept.
Drove parents to airport.
Went on an angst-reducing run.
Ate delicious food #3 with education roommate.
Called four friends. Reached zero.
Call returned from Kristen. Talked for quite a while. Realized there is no cell reception in my apartment.
Spent the duration of the day doing really nothing.
Houston tomorrow, back Thursday. Will deal with loneliness and seeming invisibility then, but not until then.

The end.

UGH.

This is going to be an entry about my left hand. Recall last entry when I said that my thumb felt less sprained and that was good. Well, that turned out to be a false alarm. Oops. Let's talk a little bit about the history of my left hand.

In my earliest recollection, I threw out my wrist one summer afternoon when playing tennis with Kieran and Karin. Karin taught me how to properly wrap my wrist with an Ace bandage which turned out to be a very useful skill. My mom seems to recall some point at which I hurt my wrist again while rock climbing in Darwin, Australia. I do not recall this specific incident, however, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Senior year of college I had some sort of carpel tunnel situation and had to get an EMG where my doctor asked me where I went to school and then proceeded to inform me that CMC was not as highly rated as Pomona. I got angry and asked him where he went to school, then informed him that Yale was not as highly rated as Harvard. Ironic, how that turned out. However, I can't remember if that was my left hand or right hand so that might not be pertinant.

Then, first year of grad school, I was building my IKEA desk on very limited sleep. I accidentally turned the top board around and when I went to pull it off, I hurt my wrist Very Badly. I instantly went into denial and ended up tearing most of the deep tissue in my wrist. I wore a brace for a year and it sucked.

Then, last Thursday, I did something. Something, but I don't know what. I've been telling people I dropped an exhibit model and then tried to catch it, bending back my thumb. This did happen, but I don't remember it hurting. Anyway, the next day it felt like I'd gotten stung by a bee, or gotten a shot in my thumb. Identifying this as problematic, I wrapped my wrist using the aforementioned skill I learned. Things got better, and then they got worse. Now my thumb pops when I rotate it, hurts Very Much and I have lots of funny nerve things happening in my first three fingers, the most annoying of which is a lot of itchiness underneath the skin.

I'm sure that was all very interesting but the basic point I'm trying to convey is that hurting your hand sucks a lot. Colleen's mom looked at it today and suggested I get an MRI. That sounds frightening but I am willing to do it. Because I am realizing lately how, even though I'm right-handed, I use my left hand a lot, especially for things like driving, making jewelry, playing guitar, mini-golfing...you get the idea. Things I do all the time.

I have no solution for this problem except going to the doctor, like a logical person. This would be easy except I don't have time to go before I leave and I can't go at Stanford until I get back from Houston. I also don't have a solution for this problem. Let me know if you do.

In the meanwhile, I'm going to go get reacquainted with my old wrist brace. UGH.

i'm pretending we're on the red couch right now.

Owen:  honestly like every time i listen to the radio i catch myself thinking, DANG we would have an awesome time dancing to this in our living room

Today I had the magnificent fortune of getting to talk at length with two of my three amazing roomies, Owen and Meredith. To make things better, Meredith is coming to Portland to visit me on Friday! I've also been enjoying a humorous mini-email chain with Rae, Sabina, DB, and Luke. All of these things are good because they are oddly making me feel better about not going back to Yale. I haven't talked to a lot of Yalies this summer, but just these little trades of conversation make me feel better about future correspondence. Just like hanging out with Portland people makes me feel better about not losing all my friends.


But, of course, I'm still having separation anxiety. So to balance this anxiety, I'm making a mental list of the things that I'm excited about.


In no particular order...


1. My apartment. 
2. The sunshine and palm tree situation.
3. My yoga class.
4. The Palo Alto Farmer's Market.
5. My Quarter (and beyond) of Sustainable Omnivorey. 
6. The organic food market on the first floor of my building.
7. Coinless laundry.
8. My advisor.
9. Being close to San Francisco. And by that token, being close to my friends who live in S.F.
10. Continuing to be on the West Coast.
11. Palo Alto's cuteness in general.
12. Having my car at school.


That's all I can think of right now. I've been on the computer for a long time and it's making my lap warm. On the bright side, my thumb feels less sprained so you can probably stop worrying about that. Or at least worry about it a little bit less.

And in closing...


Owen: us us us!

faking it

Sometimes I think of my days in terms of status updates. 99% of these updates never make it anywhere but my brain. I don't ever want to join Twitter because I think that's useless, but if I were to status update my past few days, it would look like this:

Kathayoon survived StingFest 2010, moved out a classroom, sprained her thumb, ordered and retrieved 24 pizzas in 30 minutes, listened to parts of a Pink Martini concert, and pretended to be a Cougar Camp counselor in one 13 hour day.

Kathayoon is mind-blown and confused.

Kathayoon turned down a studio apartment in favor of roommates. They had better be awesome.

Kathayoon feels like she has the most loving friends in the world. And with friends like Zoe Shipley, who wouldn't?

Kathayoon thinks the beach is a well-deserved place to spend the weekend.

Kathayoon loves the Oregon Coast, especially secluded beaches, campfires, s'mores, barbeques, shooting stars, walks on a busy boardwalk, and Dairy Queen mini-blizzards.

Kathayoon doesn't really understand how someone she's known for so little time can make her so happy from so far away. But she doesn't really care.

Kathayoon is really sad that next week is the last week of camp.

Kathayoon changed her windshield wipers, fixed her cigarette lighter, figured out the four-year-old problem with her trunk release, and cleaned and conditioned the leather. Even if she's not ready to go to P.A., her car almost is.

countdown to palo alto

Before we start, you must know that I am watching America's Next Top Model. I'm obsessed with this show because I'm obsessed with thinking about what I would be like on this show, both in the cool things I would say and the ground-breaking ways in which I would pose. Rae and I were so close to trying out last year and it was super heartbreaking when we realized that all that stood between us and model immortality was the lack of a blank DVD. But anyway. I might be distracted.

This week, I went to coffee with my division manager to talk about Life and The Future. It was an intimidating conversation to start but, like everything else, it got much better once I stopped worrying about how she would react to things I was saying (within reason). Now, I'm excited. And since this blog is meant to be about my career and the development of my research, let's discuss.

So I study (or plan to hope to intend to) behavior change. This is apparently a Very Important Topic because no one has really figured out how to study it yet. So people seem to be very enthusiastic about paying a graduate student to come up with something that works. I want to study behavior change with relation to native animal conservation. In other words, how to zoos inspire us to care about the animals in our own backyards? No one is doing that yet either. But before I can do that, I need to do something that other people are doing so I can get some sort of foundation. Solution? Climate change research. This is also perfect because nothing frustrates me more in the environmental movement than the mismanagement of the climate campaign. Okay that's not true. There are a LOT of things that frustrate me about the environmental movement. But we'll talk about that later.

So anyway, there is a slight possibility that I may be able to work next summer in the northwest studying climate change education at zoos in Oregon and Washington zoos.

Then, we talked about how, if I'm going to be a zoo director, I need animal care experience to win over the keepers and curators. Anne suggested PASA, a networks of primate sanctuaries in Africa. We also briefly discussed an animal care internship at OZ. So...next summer I could be working with animals in Oregon?

Next summer might be a long way away, but it's really not. As soon as I get to school I need to start planning my summer so I can make the connections and finalize it within the context of my degree. It feels good, now, to know that I have options, however slight and underdeveloped they may be. I'm still coming to terms with not going back to FES, not coming back to camp. But the less that's up in the air, the better I feel about my new life.

Anyway, ANTM is over. Now there's a show on called Plain Jane and it appears to be about people who can't get a date. Forget ANTM, I should be on this show.

august and how!

It has been awhile since I posted last. This may be because I secretly think no one reads this, but that's okay. I would be self-conscious if I thought too many people read it.

July ended up being an emotional roller coaster. But this is no livejournal, and so no further shall be said on that matter, cryptically or otherwise.

Lately I've been saying the words "this is my last summer" a lot. I'm not sure if it is or not, but in 11 years I've never said it, so I'm starting to test it by saying it out loud. I hate it. I don't want that.

I want to stay in Portland. Or I want to go back to FES. I miss FES already.

Let's be clear, I am excited, thrilled actually, about Stanford. Palo Alto is sunny and close to home. My advisor is AMAZING and I have so many ideas about my future that all seem possible. Career ideas, at least. Research ideas sort of. But I don't want to make new friends. Last Friday, Kristy and I traded pop music while lying on her bed and articulated this to her. I have lots of friends. I have best friends, great friends, good friends, and acquaintances. I have people around the world that I care about deeply and none of them are going with me to Palo Alto. None of them will be there when I get there. When I get in the car and hit I-5, I'm all by myself.

So it goes.

I wonder if the summers before I make a major move (to Claremont, to Yale, and now to Stanford) are actually better, or if I just perceive them to be better because I don't want to leave Portland in the first place. Either way, this summer is going pretty extremely well so far, in and out of the zoo. There will be more summers in Portland, if I want there to be (and I do). There is hope, I just have to remind myself of that.

I didn't mean for this to turn out whiny. Maybe it's just because I have a toothache and I'm paranoid it's a cavity. Probably it's because today was a long day, despite having the amazing opportunity to see the orangutans swinging around in their new exhibit. Brachiation celebration! But I digress.

And finally, OH MY GOD. Claire just called me from a Pat Benatar concert (that she invited me to, but I unfortunately couldn't go). See what I mean?? Where else would I find friends like these?? Ugh. The best.

july, july, july never seemed so strange

It's July already! That's preposterous. It's not allowed to be July. In an effort to not be nearly as boring as I was in my last entry, here are some quick tidbits of life lately.

Last weekend was the Oregon Country Fair. It was a wonderful, magical day of friends, hippies, tutus, delicious food, and amazing people watching. One of my favorite summer events, for sure. Lots of people wanted to take pictures of me, Anna, and April because of our bright colors. It made me feel like we succeeded in making cool OCF costumes. Also, some guy creepily told me I was beautiful. It was annoying because I think people should tell each other stuff like that more often, so I wanted to be nice about it, but he did it in such a creepy way. So, dear guy at country fair: thank you for the kind compliment, but perhaps try to do that less weirdly next time. Involving less stroking of my arm with a peacock feather. Instant weird.

ZooCamp is continuing to be really rad. I spend most days holding my breath for some kind of catastrophe but then instead hanging out with adorable kids and excellent staff and having lots of fun, getting things done, etc. This week, there is a French child in the first grade camp. It makes me want to die with happiness. I love speaking French so much, and I love feeling like my French is improving and both of those things have been happening a lot because of this kid. I feel validated in my ability to speak French when he comes to me and asks me for things because I feel like that means he trusts me to help him. Today, whenever I walked into his classroom he would say "Bonjour, Kathayoon!" or "Salut, Kathayoon!" And it made me really happy because sometimes he would do it when everyone else was quiet and also he knows my name. And when he left camp, he said "A demain, Kathayoon!" and his mother goes, "Oh, this is Kathayoon?" And I died again. In conclusion, I love working with kids.

There's lots of other stuff going on in my life that I don't want to talk about but that last thing I will mention is the re-initiation of conference stress that has suddenly set upon me. Follow me on this emotional roller coaster. Forever ago, I got a poster accepted at this year's AZA (Association of Zoos and Aquariums) conference in Houston. Emotional peak! Very exciting, but was not sure if I would secure the necessary funding. Emotional valley. This week, got some funding (emotional peak!), but found out that I would have to miss orientation at Stanford (emotional valley). Now trying to figure out if I can even miss orientation at all. Stay tuned. Then, last night, found out I got an oral presentation (read: not a poster) accepted at IZE (International Zoo Educators) in DISNEY WORLD (emotional peak!!!), but it's two weeks after AZA (emotional question mark). Now need to secure a LOT of money to attend that conference (emotional annoyed). I feel like I'm juggling a lot of conference balls and they are all up in the air at the same time and every time I think I catch one it goes up into the air again. And I would just like to catch them all, put them on the ground, and arrange them nicely so I know what I'm doing.

And that's everything for now. I'm going to go off and do mid-July things like petting my cat, eating barbeque, and seeing if Claire wants to get cupcakes. Au revoir!

are you all grown up yet?

Today, Krist showed me a breakdown of his daily tasks. It was insane. He told me that if I tried something like that, my day would be equally insane. I don't know if I remember it all but I'll try.

Let's recap.

7:45-8:30 Prepare for day, hang out with Penguin Camp at early care check-in.
8:30-9:30 Help check kids safely cross streets, check into camp, and begin seemingly normal day.
9:30 Receive cryptic phone call from Anna.
9:35 Find subject of cryptic phone call to be eight ducklings that fell into a storm drain. Cutest tragedy ever.
9:35-9:55 Call bird keepers and maintenance people to rescue ducklings. Rewarded with the sight of nine ducklings following mama duck into the sunset.
9:55-10:15 Attempt to track down gluten-free treat for a camper. Fail to find RKT. Succeed in finding fruit leather. Secure fruit leather and give to camper.
10:15-11:00 Check out cape buffalo skull. Abscond to Discovery Room with cape buffalo skull and relocate skull to cabinet therein.
11:00 Go to Red Ape Reserve.
11:00-11:30 Proceed to freak out for a half hour over general magnificence of Red Ape Reserve. Swing from ropes designed for orangs, climb over branches and planks, and climb to the top of a terrifyingly tall enrichment tree. Pretend to be orangutans with Kristen for a group of Tiger Campers on the other side of the glass.
11:30-11:45 Take a group of extremely enthusiastic, extremely thankful Wild Design campers through the Red Ape Reserve behind-the-scenes.
11:45-1:00 Insane hour of breaking staff to go to Red Ape Reserve within the allotted time frame.
1:00-1:30 Take first real break of the summer.
1:30-2:30 Help Kristen prepare lunches for Wild Design trip to the coast.
2:30-3:00 Meet randomly with various people about camp.
3:00-3:30 Tie up loose ends, like making label for cape buffalo skull.
3:30-4:15 Help kids cross street safely, check out of camp, etc.
4:15-4:30 Drive ancient 15 passenger van down to Gate A.
4:30-4:45 End of day conversations with staff.
4:45-5:30 Set up AIC dinner
5:30-6:15 AIC dinner, consume too much pizza, talk to 6th graders.
6:15-7:00 Cougar Camp dinner, consume no pizza, talk to CC staff.
7:00-7:30 Clean up dinner
7:30-8:15 Walk around dino trail with AIC campers
8:15-8:30 Set up ice cream for AIC
8:30-8:45 Banter with snarky 6th graders
8:45-8:47 Requisite two minutes of absolute silence before ice cream party.
8:47-9:30 Ice cream in AIC
9:30 FINALLY LEAVE THE ZOO.

That was probably the most boring entry ever. The duckling and Red Ape parts were pretty cool. The rest was pretty cool if you were there, but probably not if you were reading about it. Sorry about that. Next time I will write about something far more interesting and ground-breaking. I promise.

show me your cheetah feet

Oh ZooCamp. How cool and bizarre are you.

Like yesterday, when we couldn't find a Penguin camper, only to realize she'd left with the other class. Or when I ate lunch with Zoe and her hilarious AIC campers with the matching faux-hawks. Or like today, when we had our second fast-reaction find-a-camper moment. Or when I ate lunch, again, with hilarious AIC campers. Also when I got to come within a foot-and-a-half of a giraffe.

ZooCamp, I love how lately people are so willing to help you out by moving sinks to classrooms or opening up educational spaces. I love how just at the moment when I think I can go back to the office and send an email, or even go to the bathroom, you come up with a million things I can do instead that take me as far from my office, or the bathroom, as possible.

And Zeta Chi, the amazing and capable staff of ZooCamp. I find your stressful moments motivating and your camper interactions inspiring. It's only day two, but I feel like, with the way we support each other and care about the welfare of one another, it's mid-summer already.

And to end, I'd like to post some amazing campers quotes from the aforementioned lunches with AIC campers.

Zoe: This kid over here thinks Victoria, B.C. is better than Vancouver, B.C.
Camper: Did someone say Victoria Beckham!?
Zoe: What? No!
Camper: Oh. I thought you said 'Which is better, Victoria's Secret or Victoria Beckham.'

"Would you rather have an endless supply of cheese or play professional lacrosse?"

Well, all the others I'm realizing are only funny if you were there.

So here's to the rest of the summer. This is what we wait for all year, right?

In closing, welcome back, Larmy. It's also dinosaur season again.

take only what you need from it

a couple really important things:

watch this video. all my a capella dreams come true! feel free to stop watching it when we start singing seasons of love, however. the first song is the best.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUCC22tqhVw

the summer mix is here! listen to it as you drive to the beach/to work/anywhere in the sunshine. sing along loudly. it's pretty much perfect.

1. california gurls - katy perry (feat. snoop dogg)
2. somebody to love - justin bieber (feat. usher)
3. king of anything - sara bareilles
4. i'm not your toy - la roux
5. your hands (together) - the new pornographers
6. in my head - jason derulo
7. hannah - freelance whales
8. lisztomania - phoenix
9. bad romance - glee cast
10. if we ever meet again (chew fu remix) - timbaland (feat. katy perry)
11. animal arithmetic - jonsi
12. walking on a dream - empire of the sun
13. kiss n tell - ke$ha
14. sleepyhead - passion pit
15. this too shall pass - ok go
16. last person - jenny owen youngs
17. break your heart - taio cruz (feat. ludacris)
18. up up & away - kid cudi
19. where the lines overlap (acoustic) - paramore
20. home - edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros
21. symphonies - dan black

also, today was father's day but my dad is in saudi arabia at mecca (WHAT?!). apparently yesterday he and my mom went to morning prayer with 1,000 people. how is that fair!? i wouldn't really know how to do the prayer thing, but it would be amazing to see. anyway, i'm pretty excited for them to come home tomorrow. i really love my papa and i'm sad he wasn't home for dad day this year. also this house is creepy with just me and kavi, even though we made a delicious pasta sauce tonight.

and lastly, tomorrow is the first day of summer and the first day of zoocamp! it still blows my mind how that happens. full speed ahead....

let it all begin again

I should have known this would happen.

Summer starts slowly: lots of time with parents, a few coffee dates with friends as they trickle into town. Then all of sudden, summer slams into my life and explodes in a fiery ball of zoo, weekend trips, frisbee, and evening hangouts. Probably the best kind of fiery ball, if you ask me, but always just a little bit overwhelming.

For example, things I've done since last Monday:

- Gone to Bend, twice. Once with zoo people, and now again with Claremont people.
- Turned 24 (!)
- Hung out with three Yalies making their way through Portland, taking them to Pied Cow, Doug Fir, Rimskys, Burgerville, CPK, and Colleen's birthday party.
- Game night at my house, Taboo, Settlers of Catan
- Lots of zoo time. Lots. All staff training, preparation for training, overnight shadowing, etc.
- Seen the weather change from rainy poo to sunny beautiful overnight.
- Began the music recording process with Zoe. Stay tuned.

Etc.

Anyway, everything has been very eventful and exciting. In fact, I would like it to be a little less eventful, but obviously I lead a very interesting life so that comes with the territory. The music recording situation is my current favorite. I hope to have some tracks (some alone, some with Zoe, some original songs, some covers) finished in the next couple of weeks so I can post them to places and immediately become a famous musician.

Also, yesterday I was in Fred Meyer, wearing my new pretty little white dress. While I was walking down the aisles, this older man (probably in his 60's) with a trucker hat and dirty hands walks past me, smiles, and says "I like your dress." It was completely not-creepy and sounded entirely sincere. It completely made my day. I thought about writing an entry about little acts of kindness and things like that but I decided that that would constitute over-analysis of something that's just nice, and I'm trying to do that less.

Okay. I was secretly just waiting for everyone else in this Sunriver house to wake up, so now that's happened and I'm going to go explore a potential apple and peanut butter situation.

(Also, I need a new good book to read. Recommend me the best book ever, ready, go!)

the giraffe is watching you.

A few things (I like lists):

1. If you are reading this, or if at some point you have read my blog, you should click the little "Follow" button. That way, I know not to say things like "This person sucks sooooooo much etc etc." Just kidding. I would never write that. But still.

2. I cut all my hair off yesterday. I'm not going to post pictures right now because I don't like those pictures people take of themselves on the computer. I'll just wait until a real picture exists of me doing something totally rad and exciting, and also my hair looks good. But suffice to say that I can now faux-hawk it and make it look like Justin Bieber. Win-win.

3. Today is going to be a good day. I can't say why because it's a secret.

tightly structured yet approachable

In college, Laura's dad told us that if we ever didn't know what to say about a wine, we should call it "tightly structured, yet approachable." I like this phrase and have even used it from time to time. This is relevant because today, Colleen, Amanda, Eric, and I went to visit Laura at her parents' vineyard for Memorial Day wine-tasting. This is what the vineyard looks like.

As you can see, it was also amazingly sunny, for the first time since I've been home.

Without going into copious details, it was a lovely day. Wine at Yamhill Valley, then at Bella Vida, cheese, strawberries, brownies, friends. Turkey vultures. We brought Pascal!

The end of wine-tasting brought us back to Colleen and Laura's new apartment, eventually, where Zac met us for dinner. It was wholly wonderful, all around. The entire day, however, I kept thinking about how much I wish my east coast friends could meet my west coast friends. This is part of the problem with leading several overlapping lives. You meet all these people and you talk about half of them to the other half and vice versa. The stories are funny, but you really wish that there weren't 3,000 miles between the people who made these stories possible.

The easy solution to this predicament comes from traveling friends. Amanda and Kristen each came to New Haven and now they know many, if not most of the people I am close with from FES. A few wonderful east-coasters will come west throughout the course of the summer and I couldn't be more excited to show them around my Oregon life.

Because the best part of wine-tasting, strawberry eating, and going out to dinner was knowing that today was only the beginning of three and half months here. Days at the zoo, Tuesday frisbee, Wednesday staff bonding, weekend trips to Bend and the beach. And with smatterings of visitors all the way through, I continue to have a very good feeling about this summer.

So maybe that phrase has applicability beyond wine. Having groups of people in your life that represent different places and adventures creates a network of people that intersect and diverge, a network that is both approachable, constantly inviting and including new people in new capacities, and tightly bound, structured in such a way to allow for adaptation.

Or maybe I'm just over-analyzing (again) something that's not meant to be analyzed at all.  Hard to tell, really.

wtf, life.

I know it has to be some kind of faux-pas to blog twice in one day, but I lead a very exciting and important life.
So, lucky for me I did not put "Don't get in any car accidents" on my summer goal list because today that's exactly what I did. You could say, however, that in this case I did not get in a car accident but a car accident got me.

Either way. I was driving through the zoo parking lot, pretty excited that I was getting off work a few minutes early. Just as I start singing along to Taylor Swift ("Fifteen," if you're wondering), some guy backs out of his spot and into the side of my vehicle.

"A collision occurs when two bodies attempt to occupy the same space at the same time." I have always found this statement to be somewhat beautiful and strangely romantic. Except when actually applied to cars, as it turns out.

So anyway, the guy gets out of his car and starts apologizing profusely. I'm super pissed, but don't want to be a jerk so I just keep saying things like "DUDE," and "SERIOUSLY," so I don't say things like "What the fuck were you looking at that was not your rearview mirror?!" Because I'm trying to curse less these days, what with camp being around the corner and all. I just want to get out of the rain, so I ask him for his insurance. Three times. He keeps apologizing and asking if I'm alright. Finally, he gets his girlfriend, who gives me her name and phone number but NOT her insurance number, and I angrily drive off.

When I get home, there is a crack in the paint and a dent squarely between the two doors on the driver's side of my car. I am more angry now. I'm particularly angry because I'm sure the last thing these two young people with a three-year-old child want to do is pay to fix my car doors, but there's a freaking dent and isn't that what insurance is for anyway? As much as I'd like to say forget about it, I don't.

I go inside and realize that I cannot possibly tell my parents until I have called the insurance agency. Not being able to tell someone and receive the sympathy I think I desire makes me angrier still.

Finally I call Progressive and get a wonderfully kind woman with the thickest, cutest North Dakota/Minnesota accent possible who is sympathetic and says things like "Okeeaay" and "You betcha." And I feel a little better, because she's nice and says her words in a way that reminds me of Fargo. While I'm on the phone with her, Kelsey calls and leaves a completely darling message. After I hang up with the nice Fargo lady, I lie on my bed and call Kelsey and she tells me how she was thinking of me in her yoga class and when she went to call me she saw my angry-Kathayoon G-chat status and knew she had to ring me right away. We lamented the two car accidents we'd been in together (one, at 4:30 AM, in college, us versus souped-up pickup truck with the vanity plate "QT ALEX," my fault; and one, in Virginia, in a parking garage, us versus concrete pole, her fault), and the possibilities of sauteeing arugula, which it totally only popular because Obama likes it.

In conclusion, I am still pretty angry but significantly less angry than I was before. I can't help but think, however, that this is some kind of instant karmic due for trying to get away with parking in the visitor lot when today was the first day that we were required to park in the employee lot.

Summer Day 2, guys. Day 2.